Fear Of Failure
by CrossingWands
Summary: Hermione is distraught over her third year Defence Against the Dark Arts exam. Does Lupin have any words of wisdom?


**A/N: Just a little oneshot that wouldn't leave me be. Hope you like it.**

Hermione hovered outside the door, uncertain so to whether or not she should knock. She knew that she needed to speak to Professor Lupin, she wanted to discuss her exam results with him, especially after that frightful Boggart, but she wasn't entirely sure how to broach the subject. Hermione had never received less than full marks on any examination or piece of coursework, and so this was quite daunting for her. Especially as she had completely believed that the Boggart was real and that she had failed every single subject. Even know she knew it was an extremely unlikely thing to happen; she'd still fallen for it hook, line and sinker.

Before Hermione had a chance to make up her mind as to how she was going to approach Professor Lupin, the door creaked slowly open, revealing the Professor sat at his desk, studying a piece of parchment. Without looking up in her direction he spoke. "Hermione, come in and take a seat. I had a feeling that you'd be coming to see me. Tea?" he asked, now rising from his desk and turning towards a rusty kettle in the corner.

Hermione entered the office, closing the door quietly behind her. She took a seat on the other side of the desk, and found herself studying the walls before responding to Professor Lupin's question. "I'm fine thank you," she said, and then sighed in defeat when Professor Lupin gave her a sceptical look. "Okay milk and no sugar. Thank you."

Professor Lupin didn't speak again until he'd brewed two cups of tea, added milk and sugar as appropriate, set both of the cups down on his desk and gotten himself comfortable in his chair. Then steepling his fingers, in a very similar manner to Professor Dumbledore, Lupin looked over at her and asked, "So what's going on Hermione? Was there any particular reason that you wanted to see me?" Lupin offered a kindly smile, and Hermione felt herself relax. See it wasn't going to be so hard, after all.

"I –" She paused, not quite knowing how to find the words to admit that after failing to confront the Boggart, one of the first creatures that they'd studied this year and therefore theoretically one of the easiest creatures they should have tackled in their examination, that she felt like a complete and utter failure. Not only that, but now her entire class knew not only what her deepest fear was, but also how it would seem compared to anyone else's fears.

"Is it about the Boggart?" Lupin asked her gently. Hermione let out a reluctant nod, feeling like a fool sitting here in front of him, fighting back tears. But the way Lupin spoke to her, at least made Hermione feel like she was that bit more grown up, and that her fears were just as valid as everybody else's. Lupin's outlook on her wouldn't change. If anyone would understand her fear, it would be him.

"It's not just about the Boggart, Professor. It's ... well, you know how a Boggart projects our worst fear onto us? Forces us to face the thing that we're terrified of? Failing my exams isn't my worst fear. Well, no actually it is. Or more precisely it's the starting point of that fear. I mean I've just discovered this whole other life; I've found out that I'm a witch and for the first time in my life I'm starting to feel like I fit in, like I have friends. And I'm terrified of losing all that. I don't want to go back to how my life was before, because how could I? It's like I can't put this world, our world, into words, but life back in the Muggle world always feels more bland somehow. It just wouldn't be enough. But I know realistically, that I would only lose my place in this world at the moment, by failing my exams and being unable to continue my studies. If I was expelled then I'd have to go back to that life, the one where I'm a freak, and I'm not sure I could ever cope with that. This is all I have, Professor, I –"

Lupin held up a hand to stop her and let out a small, good-natured laugh. "Oh, Hermione. I understand perfectly where you're coming from. Better than most, I daresay. But you have to believe me when I tell you that this won't happen. You're by far one of the brightest witches I've ever seen, and I'll readily admit that I didn't know half as much as you do when I was your age. You're extremely talented, so much so that the Ministry even allowed you access to a Time Turner. As I'm sure you are aware they don't hand them out to just anyone. My advice, if you want it, is to not dwell on this nor to let that fear consume you. You have a place in our society here, and I didn't have that chance. Don't waste it dwelling on things that aren't likely to ever come to pass."

Hermione nodded, seeing the sense in it all. "Thank you Professor, for the tea and for the advice. I know you've said you're leaving now, and I can understand why, but I just wanted you to know you're an excellent teacher." Lupin smiled warmly at her in reply, and Hermione closed the door.

 **A/N: What did you think?**


End file.
